Have you ever been told that your chosen undergraduate degree will get you nowhere in life? (Or sadly told yourself this?) Yeah, me too. It’s like letting the air out of your own tires, right? Here’s how it went for me, and maybe it’ll resonate with you.
First, there’s the staring out the window during lectures. You know the drill. You’re physically present, but mentally, you’re miles away, questioning if this is really the path you were meant to be on. Then comes the mid-semester slump. You’re halfway through, and suddenly, the motivation just evaporates. You lose interest, your focus slips, and you start blaming yourself for every decision that led you here. Did you make a mistake? Should you have chosen a more “practical” major? And let’s not forget the constant need to justify your degree. Every time someone challenges you, you muster up the best defense you can think of. But deep down, you’re just as skeptical as they are. Are they right?
Maybe not everyone feels this way, but I sure did. It was a rollercoaster of doubt, regret, and self-reflection. But here’s the thing: it was also a journey. My journey. And sometimes, the most important lessons aren’t the ones we learn in class, but the ones we learn about ourselves along the way.
My years obtaining my undergraduate degree in Theatre Arts were filled with doubt. I constantly faced the looming dilemma of whether or not my rent could be paid as an adult with a varying schedule dependent on contract work. I was fortunate enough to have a family who supported me throughout these years, even when I studied abroad and burned through my college fund they had worked so hard on for 18 years in less than four semesters. I graduated in winter of 2019, excited for my first directing contract to start in February of 2020.
Of course, I wasn’t safe from the pandemic that put the world on pause. I found myself with canceled contracts and no job, and for nearly six months I sat in my apartment and drowned myself in any form of media and entertainment I could, trying not to fall further into the pit of dread and uncertainty. And then I decided to do what many others did during the lockdown and go back to school. There was a part of me that felt a career in education called to me; maybe it was the years of dance lessons I taught during high school, maybe it was the fact I came from a family of educators. Either way, I decided the only way I could have a sustainable career still in theatre was to teach it in a high school. And so I did for awhile…yet still feeling unfulfilled.
On Thanksgiving 2022, and after a long discussion with my fiancé, I thought about a different approach; graduate school for Arts Administration. I didn’t know a lot about it, even though I had worked in professional theaters for almost four years. Everyone I knew in these roles got there through circumstances, rarely through formal administration education.
Through my time teaching, I had made many wonderful friends, and one in particular was Jen Uphoff-Gray, Artistic Director of Forward Theater. I mentioned in passing one day – “I feel like I want to go to grad school, maybe for Arts Administration.” And she said something that would change my life: “That’s amazing, you’re applying to UW-Madison, right?” As they say, the rest is history.
Graduate school was a whirlwind year of hard work, deep introspection, and profound personal growth. Days blurred together in a haze of lecture notes, case studies, late-night study sessions, and endless cups of coffee. I grappled with so many new concepts – a whole new side of the world of the arts. But amidst the academic grind, I found moments of clarity and self-discovery. I learned to navigate my doubts, build resilience, and embrace my passion with renewed vigor. It was a transformative journey, marked by intense effort and invaluable lessons that extended far beyond the classroom.
Most importantly, it spread into my time working in the UW-Madison Office of Multicultural Arts Initiatives. Throughout the year, I spent so much time with some of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege to work with seeing how artistic administrators work in real time. Their confidence in me as a budding professional allowed me to make bold choices that resulted in significant outcomes for myself as well as their organization. OMAI will forever hold a special place in my heart as the beginning of a lifelong newfound love of artistic programming.
Reflecting on my journey, from the doubts and skepticism of my undergraduate days to the transformative year of graduate school, I see a path marked by growth and resilience. The hard work, introspection, and personal challenges of grad school didn’t just enhance my academic knowledge; they reshaped my self-perception and ignited a newfound confidence within me. I no longer question the value of my chosen path. Instead, I stand tall, knowing that the journey has equipped me with the skills, strength, and conviction to forge my own destiny. Grad school wasn’t just an academic endeavor; it was the final step that I needed to solidify my belief in myself and my future. And like the Beatles sang, it was a long and winding road. And I’m glad I took each step.
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